things we lost in the fire

the need to see yourself in someone else
the need to search for what is left
the need to push and force each breath
the need to put this all to rest

things we lost in the flood

you'll never know just what its like
to watch your life get up and walk away
with nothing that you can do
this time can't be replaced
let this wash away
maybe another day...
another time....
another way...
another life...
another chance to take or leave behind
another choice too late to change your mind
another hit you take that helps you fly
another broken dream I held so tight
another reason not to stand and fight
another step away from the light
I hope you kill what's been killing you....
because either way killing me too
bid farewell and wave
whatever you do don't look back that way

ice cold

lost your chance
let them in
now let it go
into the wind
lose your grip
fall instead
you'll never choose
a happy end

Nice Guys Finish Last

Got Shit On
Pissed On
Spit On
Stepped On
Fucked With
Pointed At By Lesser Men

New Life In Place Of Old Life
Unscarred By Trials

No Fucking Surrender
Can't Lose
Life Kills

A Taste Of Everest

julien-donkey boy

The Wrathful & Sullen

failment

“Out of damp and gloomy days, out of solitude, out of loveless words directed at us, conclusions grow up in us like fungus: one morning they are there, we know not how, and they gaze upon us, morose and gray. Woe to the thinker who is not the gardener but only the soil of the plants that grow in him.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Godspeed You Black Emperor!- Dead Flag Blues(outro)

My Malady

So I've come to realize that I have problem with sleeping.
I avoid it at all costs
for at least 3 years, since I haven't had a full time job
I drink coffee until 3 in the morning
every night
I don't dislike sleep
I enjoy dreaming
I just don't get the desire to fall asleep until I've burned out every bit of fuel in my body.
on tour, after countless hour drives, we'll get to where were staying
and I will sit up doing nothing on my laptop
long after everyone else has gone to sleep.
there is no reason
I try to make my time awake valuable
but I spend most of it day dreaming
and grieving way too many things
that I should be putting behind me
I'm only 22 years old
but sometimes I feel like I've experienced
a whole life's worth of sadness
but I know it's not that bad
I know I tend to dwell on things
far past the point that I should
I should be more grateful
My stream of conscience is littered
with little mishaps
and fuck ups
and what ifs
and could have beens
and what the fuck am I doing wrong

listening to:

Goldmund - The Winter of 1539 - 1540
it's pretty much the coldest, most haunting, beautiful thing you can let grace your ears. but its not an easy listen

Sargeist- Satanic Black Devotion
one of the best, saddest black metal songs ever written.

brought to you by a skeptic

not quite poetic
hardly apathetic
taste acquired
soon retired
winter spring
summer fell
came down hard
hurts to tell

kickstop my heart

guardian, you don't exist.
lack of faith is in again
fall 'alone' is setting in
she came cold
but left instead
heart breaker
heart breaker
don't let me crash
find me some time
to let this all pass
o' how relations
all seem to grow crass

Thank You Hugh Crawford

This man took a single poloroid picture every day of his life from march 1979 through his death on October 25th 1997. I could sit here for days looking at all these. All taken when this world was a much better place.


http://photooftheday.hughcrawford.com/

this is real. college pt. blvd

Jesus' Son

This Movie.
Drugs.
Fucking Up.
Real Bad.
Jack Black.
Sickest Movie Ever.
it hurts.

The Mole

El Topo
My father gave this movie to me when I was 13 years old. he got it from a friend who found it in France. it wasn't released in the US until 2007 nearly 40 years after its making. there are no words to describe this movie. when I saw it for the first time, getting high with all my friends it was just a complete mind fuck. ive watched it dozens of times since and recently got to experience The Holy Mountain , its unofficial sequel. it's definitely a film that I think everyone should see. Its beautiful, extremely dark and one of a kind.

Shedding Scales

misanthrope's agenda
nihilistic views
seated in your wasteland
you'll never sing the blues

you'll never meet desire
you'll never know despair
you'll be greatly admired
yet still a slave to fear

never make it obvious
never let them near
the path you tread to hell
has never been so clear

I hear you've been repenting
question all your tears
I've seen you reach for beetle's wings
angels are not here.


S

Transylvanian Hunger
Cold Soul

the sky is falling

it makes me feel complete.
ill let this be and walk away
find my peace in this defeat
clinging onto memories
sometimes the moments that define us
are the ones that never came
sometimes the words that mean the most
are the ones ill never say

sometimes dreams are nothing more than dreams
somethings you cannot take you can only leave behind
Ive made mistakes and some I cannot shake
destined to not fulfill my destiny
so turn your back on me

S

MAN UP!

So I started this thing with the intention of updating it as frequently as I could or needed to. needless to say that didn't go very far. but I'm back. I'm gonna posting stuff on here a lot...maybe pictures...maybe some poems...maybe some soon to be songs...things i find amusing. I need another outlet. Besides I don't think anyone reads this thing anyway. enjoy?

I fell in love with this picture as soon as I saw it.
photographer: Daniel Gaedeke

CON.SEQUENCES...

random pictures that make me smile (part 1)

(Neurosis is not a gift)

sorrow somehow comforting
solace found within defeat
a boy with dreams once held so high
whose dreams will never see the light of day
life simply takes away
no answers, no sympathy...
ive called on every fucking deity
none of them will answer me
I question all my suffering
the price I pay for existing
extinguish me
give up on me
life takes away



s

if you only knew

Spiteful and ill-tempered, I know the character well...
A maelstrom of weakness and instability seething with viciousness.
I choose not to accept this;
Not into my life.
There is no hope of reform.
When pride is allied with hostility, all reason is denied.
I return the denial.

A glaring misconception of self-importance, I know the character well...
Heedless fool, so arrogant with no understanding of consequence.
I see this negligence.
I choose not to accept it;
Not into my life.
Absence of introspection neglects the outer world.
Let not the excess of lusts and comfort mislead you.
This world is not yours.

Misanthropy Pure by Shai Hulud