man alone

Man is the cruelest animal. At tragedies, bullfights, and crucifixions
he has so far felt best on earth; and when he invented hell for himself,
behold, that was his very heaven.

silence

Tempted in our minds
Tormented in silence
Wounded, I'm afraid inside my head
Falling through changes

Did you know when you lost?
Did you know when I wanted?
Did you know what I lost?
Do you know what I wanted?

Empty in our hearts
Crying out in silence
Wandered out of reach, too far to speak
Drifting, unable.

Did you know when you lost?
Did you know when I wanted?
Did you know what I lost?
Do you know what I wanted?

March 25th 1911. New York City

Factory Fire

"One Saturday afternoon in March of that year — March 25, to be
precise — I was sitting at one of the reading tables in the old Astor
Library... It was a raw, unpleasant day and the comfortable reading room
seemed a delightful place to spend the remaining few hours until the
library closed. I was deeply engrossed in my book when I became aware of
fire engines racing past the building. By this time I was sufficiently
Americanized to be fascinated by the sound of fire engines. Along with
several others in the library, I ran out to see what was happening, and
followed crowds of people to the scene of the fire.
"A few blocks away, the Asch Building at the corner of Washington Place
and Greene Street was ablaze. When we arrived at the scene, the police
had thrown up a cordon around the area and the firemen were helplessly
fighting the blaze. The eighth, ninth, and tenth stories of the building
were now an enormous roaring cornice of flames.
"Word had spread through the East Side, by some magic of terror, that
the plant of the Triangle Waist Company was on fire and that several
hundred workers were trapped. Horrified and helpless, the crowds — I
among them — looked up at the burning building, saw girl after girl
appear at the reddened windows, pause for a terrified moment, and then
leap to the pavement below, to land as mangled, bloody pulp. This went
on for what seemed a ghastly eternity. Occasionally a girl who had
hesitated too long was licked by pursuing flames and, screaming with
clothing and hair ablaze, plunged like a living torch to the street.
Life nets held by the firemen were torn by the impact of the falling
bodies.
"The emotions of the crowd were indescribable. Women were hysterical,
scores fainted; men wept as, in paroxysms of frenzy, they hurled
themselves against the police lines."

-Louis Waldmans' Memoirs Published in 1944

*I'm quite suprised that I've never heard of this until today.

Leaving Cali...Albuquerque, NM

I drank about a gallon of Coffee Bean Peach Ginger Green Tea...enjoyed
some blueberry bubba og kush. now were driving to New Mexico
Endwell has never played here so I'm stoked. now I just saw that The
American Misanthropy Tour w/ Shai Hulud, The Carrier & Reign Supreme is
playing the same place as us (The Compound) now I don't remember this
place having 2 rooms or stages so I'm pretty confused as to whether or
not were on the same bill tomorrow. miss the shai dudes. I'm zooted off
this green tea.
oh yea we got an awesome 7 x 14 trailer today.
black metal ravioli

the story of my life

by screeching weasel

My friends are getting famous
Oh what can I do
My friends are getting famous
And I think I ought to
My friends are getting famous
They're having a blast
My friends are getting famous
And I'm going nowhere fast
No I'm not
And I'm still singing stupid songs
And everything I do is wrong
These same three chords go on
Not fooling anyone
I think it's time to give it up
My friends are getting famous
They're on MTV
Interviews in Rolling Stone
And I'm in Jersey Beat
My friends are getting famous
They don't understand
My friends are getting famous
And I'm in a punk rock band

anything is better than nothing

and I've got nothing

Miami

By Marvin Silva

corpse paint party?

Bubble Clouds.

UNreal

to the girl that will never read this

I've been thinking of the things that I missed
Situations that I passed up for this
One way love I took for ours
I'm through trying now
It's a big relief
I'll be staying down
I wasn't good at being a thief
More like a clown
Make it over

-ES

I hope heaven understands

You Can't Win

Wichita, Kansas
-Sean

You Can't Win

Wichita, Kansas

modern life is war

In this life there are no clean breaks...
But starting again is a chance that you can take.
I always thought that someday we would overcome the bad luck
And from the burden the gift would come.
Maybe I should have known better.
But I know we're coming closer to the end of whatever this has been.
When you're 16 you don't know what forever means.
When you are 23 you couldn't be more sorry to say.
That after all this growing up together all the good has gone away.
Sometimes the boys that should be yours best friends become strangers
with familiar faces.
Just don't tell me that it's all too far gone...
That they weren't meant to live on...
And don't let go.
I just don't want to have to pretend...
If we're not in this together...
If we're just stuck inside our own heads.
And I'm sorry that it took me so long to find the words to write the
song
That we can all still truly believe in
But I truly believe that we can still start again.

with charity toward none

everyone I went to highschool with is dead

Another summer rolls by
And I can't help but feel pain
All those familiar faces
Come back to haunt me again
Whether I hated their guts
Or hardly knew them at all
I always felt far away
Beside them there in the halls
My yearbook keeps me informed
My yearbook keeps me in line
Its an obituary
Gives me a concept of time
We've graduated and grown
From a real world once our own
Yet we have proven them wrong
By dropping off all along

Mr.Bungle

ENCOUNTERS AT THE END OF THE WORLD

Encounters at the End of the World , far-out and unforgettable, is set
at McMurdo Station, a thousand-person settlement in Antarctica populated
by professional dreamers

 

Like much of Herzog's work, this film is about crazies and restless
pioneers in search of new horizons who are tempted to try to tame and
domesticate wild nature. The director is alienated when he finds a yoga
studio, a cash point, and a café selling Frosty Boy ice cream.

He prefers to see Antarctica as an endless void, an inhuman space.
Helped in no small degree by director of photography Peter Zeitlinger,
he offers image after image whose beauty is so strange as to seem
extra-terrestrial. Composer Henry Kaiser creates a sound design whose
eeriness is merely amplified by the sound of underwater seals and
Herzog's own idiosyncratic diction.

 

*(I did not write this review, I am merely passing it on)

THE BRIDGE

"The Bridge," an eerie and indelible documentary about suicide,
juxtaposes transcendent beauty and personal tragedy as starkly as any
film I can recall. Throughout the movie, inspired by "Jumpers," Tad
Friend's 2003 article in The New Yorker, the Golden Gate Bridge shimmers
like a pathway to heaven. Photographed from multiple perspectives, at
all times of the day and in all kinds of weather, the bridge looms as an
unearthly monument that seems to float in space, especially when ringed
with fog through which the spires of San Francisco peek.

The Golden Gate, however, is also a legendary point of departure for
people determined to end their lives. And as the camera fixes its gaze
on the structure, it captures people leaping to their deaths. The
director Eric Steel and his crew spent all of 2004 filming the bridge
during daylight hours and caught most of the two-dozen suicides that
occurred that year.

Mr. Steel has compared these images to Bruegel's painting "Landscape
With the Fall of Icarus"; because the fatal leaps go almost unnoticed by
passers-by, the analogy sticks.

"The Bridge" juxtaposes breathtaking scenes of the Golden Gate and its
environs, shot in digital video, with the harrowing personal stories of
family members and friends of those who jumped. Because their testimony
is remarkably free of religious cant and of cozy New Age bromides, this
is one of the most moving and brutally honest films about suicide ever
made.

all I used to be will pass away...

and you will see
that all I want now
is happiness
for you and me

ES

I just wish you didn't do it

spirit work

where do I draw the line

the odds are not in my favor
when should I walk away?
what's the worst that could happen?
either way...however much longer
I hold on
there's always going to be a world
of missed opportunities
if I jump ill never know what could have been
if I hang ill never know what I could have built
just keep me from thinking

of strangers....

and strange dreams
stranded on the shores
they can soar but they can't swim

Seek Hell

I know you're not ok

eyes tell it all
all falling apart
wish I could put this back together

I turned this flame into a spark
my roar decays into a bark
the curtains close to block the sun
I've tried my best I'm fucking done

Waiting...

always...waiting...

if you're out there

please fix this...or give me the power to do it myself
this resentment is useless and destructive
this bitterness is against my better judgement
I have no more use for this hate
its hardened against me
I'm below the warmth
beneath the glow
sunken, cold
holding on
to be one with them
to shine high with life
leave my baggage in the shallows
and be on my way
ill be on my way

Lightbringer

Satan is the dark force in nature. Satanists do not see that nature
contains a dark and light force, the dark force is nature. Nature is
uncaring, part of its natural processes is death . Satan is death, a
returning to the Earth of one's own elements. Good is derived from chaos
and evil and not from will or motive. Altruism is long term selfishness
and the recognition of this forms the Satanists' reverence for the dark
force in nature.

Satanism is called dark or evil by many because unlike white-light
religions (such as Christianity , Islam , Paganism, Wicca and most other
religions) it does not try to isolate what is "good" from what is
"evil". There is no cosmic struggle between good and evil; all is gray
and natural goodness is dependent and the same as natural evil.

" There is a demon in man that needs to be excersized , not exorcised "

The Dark Force as seen by a Satanist cannot be avoided, tamed, ignored
or resisted against. We create it as we view the world. Every Satanist
defines it differently. We feel it all the time - it is our ego, our
intelligence and our errors all warping to form our observed reality. It
is the potential for nothingness that exists wherever there is
something. It is real life, necessity and materialism.

" Nothing resists. Nothing can resist the force that drags man into
conflict.

Life as we know it is evil
Nearly all species rely on the death of other species in order to stay
alive. Not only the obvious ones like carnivores and parasites. Some
species like single cell life may survive on sunlight and resources that
would be available without death, but above that the food chain and eco
system is based on death, on darkness. Animals and living beings are
violent and kill each other. Human Beings are no exception. We kill
insects, animals, each other.

" There are millions of mammals on this planet. We are all on the top
half of the food chain; under us are billions upon billions of
subjected life forms from bacteria and mould to insects and fish. The
higher up the food chain you are, the more multiples of creatures have
died to provide you with sustenance. Nature is violent, amoral,
uncaring, deadly and dangerous. Simple survival is not a luxury afforded
to many creatures for very long."

What religion, in the name of truth and honesty , reflects the violence
and desperation of the natural life? What religion upholds the symbols
that nod a head to the sacrifices of brutal reality? Real life, below
the surface of our noble conscious existence, is so immoral, short,
pained and traumatic that not many face it. They turn away and look
towards distracting figureheads of love and happiness . They deceive
themselves. Real life; the life of the world, is not often represented
or illuminated by religious texts or preachers. People want religion to
be an escape from the truth. Satanism is not a religion for such
people.

Our enlightened sciences and our religious zealots do well to remember
that all our accomplishments are a slap in the face of all the lower
species. A sombre altar to truth would include symbols of blood,
struggle, love and violence . Only species that sit atop this carnage
have the peace of mind to devote time to philosophical questions and
love. Only as a result of bloodshed and violence can the higher species
enjoy their most noble emotions and concepts. Only upon an unholy altar
of pain and sacrifice can sit the values of intelligence, love ,
compassion and sorrow. Only at the top of the food chain can we look
down and judge life, and feel superior because of our "understanding" of
the world! Only a hypocrite can talk about love, and not also revere the
death and sacrifices that go on in nature in order to provide us with
food! All should hail Satan and take a moment to reflect on the cold
realities of life: Fangs, Flesh and Fucking are the three pillars of all
goodness and to deny them prominence is to embody self-deception and
wishful thinking. "

We classify things as "good" and "evil" according to our own
perceptions. We say that conscious things that cause suffering and kill
Human beings are evil. Yet from an objective, universal point of view of
course this is not true. If we consider life from a sheep's point of
view, we are the evil ones. We kill sheep, herd them, breed them in
poor conditions, etc, as we do with many animals, and we do it for food.
Our very life, as a result of the way biology and nature work, is based
on what we define to be evil ! Satanism is the recognition of this
hypocrisy. To purge the delusion, we must admit that life itself is a
product of evil, and therefore no longer claim to be "more developed" as
in ontologically based upon something "more good" than the poor Earth
and animal species that are slaughtered by us.

Satan embodies principles of doubt and curiosity , and the root of the
word Satan is "accuser" and "opponent". Satanists use Satan as an
archetype that stands for challenging religious texts and dogma. The
wisdom of the world whether it is science or dogma, is harmful if it
breeds closed mindedness or falsehoods, therefore everything must be
continually questioned. This is the scientific method, not the religious
one, one of the reasons why Satanism is sometimes referred to as a
philosophy rather than a religion. Some call it the "unreligion".

The Ballad Of

Spring Heeled Jack & Lucy Scales

failing the turing test

The bad gains respect through imitation, the good loses it especially in
art.

Nietzsche

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
-Friedrich Nietzsche

all my friends are vagabonds

and all my bonds are broken

final chapter

summer steals the nerve
this night is almost blessed
and you don't even know
you're a million miles from here
in fact. in mind. in heart
and its beautiful
it all falls into place
and I don't fit
but right now...
I don't mind

Counter It

with a bowl

what is done out of love

always takes place beyond good and evil

Beyond Good & Evil

He who fights with monsters should be careful
lest he thereby become a monster.
And if thou gaze long into an abyss,
the abyss will also gaze into thee

So Cold
So Icy

Stay Just The Way That You Are

Women learns how to hate in proportion
as she forgets how to charm

right beside you

somewhat home
leave...take a walk alone
listen to the saddest songs you know
the sound track to the loneliest night alone
strength from below

At the beginning

of this tour I got a fortune cookie
that said "everything will now come your way"
I guess everything means everything....
the bad and the good.
I'm just waiting for this wave of bad to pass.